HJ, do you remember what you were doing when you were sixteen?
If you can send a short message to your sixteen self, what would that be?
OMG sixteen was a long time ago. I remember being the youngest person with the qualifications I had at Business College. I was well on my way to the career I so wanted. I’ll share this experience through this article as I come to “what message I would send to my sixteen self“
This is the topic of our conversation today.
Yes, it is one of those “if” and I was surprised by the extent how our “culture” affected our life.
Oh I so know the “if” and yes the extent my “culture” impacted my life/my career
If we could onlly turn back time.
Kate Winslet
How this topic started?
This started with a conversation I had with my brother and sister-in-law. We were discussing what we were doing at the time and then choosing a short message to sixteen self.
When I was sixteen, I was trying hard to fit-in. At the time, I already felt I didn’t belong to any social group. I felt I wasn’t qualified to belong to their social entity. I wasn’t Australian, I wasn’t Japanese, I wasn’t Taiwanese. I struggled to find someone like me so I can feel comfortable with. Yes it was a dream. It was that feeling of paradox, alienation, confusion, and lost. Because of all that, I couldn’t see the value in me. I feel torn between reality and ideal world. I hated myself. I didn’t like myself. I cursed the situation I was in.
Oh Lily that is so sad. To feel like that at such an impressionable age. I didn’t have that at sixteen. I was playing netball at A grade level being coached by a state coach and having found my “niche” with career powering ahead. I had a social group through netball and a few special friends from primary school. The advantage of living in the same area for my sixteen years.
As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition, too.
Johnny Depp
I think this was the time I learned how to put masks on my face. With this group of people, I put on the mask of “I am okay.” With another group of people, I would put on the mask of “I am just a kid.” With another group of people “I am different.” Yes, this further contributed to my state of confusion. At times, having those masks were handy. Yes, I was pretending “who I am” and cry about no one know the “true” me.
Oh Lily, such pressure on a sixteen year old. My masks came later in my life. I was loving my life at sixteen. I had a mentor who as part of the family and living the life I wanted. She encouraged me to follow my dream and also spent a lot of time with me having fun. She was the buffer between me and my Mum and as such I had freedom from the restrictions of home. My brother was also “looking after” me when we went out so I was “allowed” to go to a few places. He didn’t look after me. He dumped me and told me to be there when he got back to take me home. A whole other story.
You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.
Alan Moore
Because I didn’t like myself, I didn’t take anything seriously enough. Well, yes, I have tried what I can do academically but that was to make my parents feel good. Probably, I knew I couldn’t wear the implication of not studying and not getting to university. I think I have shared this perspective in another post. Studying English was inevitable but I can’t say I have put my whole heart in studying it.
I don’t remember my parents being all that fussed with my academic results other than passing and doing my best. Yes, we have shared these experiences in previous posts. My role was to be a wife and mother and be able to look after the family’s finances. That was not my vision. I knew what I wanted and was good at what I was doing and advancing well beyond my years. I was excited as I could see my dreams coming true.
Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story.
Marly Rubin
So, back to our first question.
If you can send a short message to your sixteen self, what would that be?
My answer to that question was:
Take English a bit more seriously and going to the university is not the only path in life. Listen to your heart of what you want to do.
We laugh at it because I am still at uni, and I admit I love my study, work and research. If I didn’t choose what I have chosen at that time, I won’t be who I am today. That’s for sure.
Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.
John C. Maxwell
My brother’s answer was:
Don’t just listen to what father had to say. Explore.
My brother had undergone similar pressure from the parent. Yes, he was the eldest boy in the family, he was the first grandson to my grandparents. The pressure he had on his shoulder was more than I can imagine. Yes, in the culture I grow up, being the first son, grandson, means a lot in life. You had no other choice than succeess, according to them because they will do everything they could to invest in you and except high return. That is the culture I grow up.
Wow, that is pressure. As the youngest in my family I’m not sure what was expected of my brothers. All have been successful The eldest more so and I guess that was expected. He did get a lot of help to achieve his dream. It was often said in my family the eldest got the most brains and it slowly filtered down till me, and not much left !
My sister-in-law married to my brother in Australia. She never imagined that she will married to someone oversea from her mother country. She never imagined that she will live so far away from her parents. And, she said she never imagined there is one day she cannot visit her home country whenever she wants: one because she lives so far away, two because of the covid restrictions.
My sister-in-law’s answer was:
Enjoy my mother country to the fullest. Have your favourite food while possible.
Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.
Eckhart Tolle
This little imagination and exercise made me realise how much “culture” had impacted my decision-making. Whether I have made the ‘right’ choice at the time about my life or not, I was determined to make most out of whatever the situation that life has presented to me.
Yes, “culture” plays a huge part in our lives. Many time more so that we realised. I’m so glad I learnt determination and kept pushing through.
Didn’t I tried hard enough? May be yes, may be no.
What I know for sure is, regardless of my choice, I have travelled the path as who I am. Looking back now, probably there was a better future if I choose a different path.
I’m always wary of looking back and wondering about the “what if”. We all do our best at the time with what we have and what we know in the current circumstances. We don’t know what would happen had we took a different path. We didn’t and the paths we took got us to where we are today. I’m grateful for the journey and all I learnt and experienced. No worse or better in my life anymore. I spent too much time focused on what I lost at the time my dream was taken from me.
But you know what?
I love my life. I love what I am doing at moment. I am enjoying every moment in life.
That’s a great place to be, spiritually, physically and mentally. You’ve created your life. I’ve loved my life and all I’ve experienced. At the moment I’m at an age where I’m wondering what’s next, what’s left? My life been filled with so many adventures and I’ve made sure I do all that was on my dream list.
Dear sixteen-me,
Regardless of your choice of path, you will make the most out of it. Have fun. Be confident in your decision. You have everything you need within yourself to make any dream come true.
Dear sixteen – me
Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from living your dream. Even if you are stopped at a moment, don’t lose focus, keep going as your time will come. You’ve got the determination and ability to be, do, have all that you dream of.
Our future self does not exist in some far-off place; it exists in the heart and mind of our present self. That is why we must face and tackle the realities that confront us.
Daisaku Ikeda
In Conversation 