One day, a friend look at me (Lily) then looked at my mum. Then, he looked at my father and looked at me again. He simply said “What have you done to yourself?”
(HJ) Oh, Lily how that would have cut to the bone. We are still so judged by our outside appearance. Who are we to judge another and what a hurtful thing to say. There are no excuses.
I looked back puzzled and so he added “Well, I can’t understand why both of your parents are so skinny and you can still allow yourself to be like that.”
Again, why the comments. This whole “how you look” thing is a world issue; it is not cultural in my world. There is so much pressure on us (male and females) to look a certain way to be of value. There is a whole business on targeting people’s insecurities about their bodies.
Neither this was the first nor last conversation like above. Many times, it was between me and my sister. Obviously my sister was slimmer than I was.
Oh, yes Lily I so hear you. My mother was slim, I was more like my Dad (solid) my brothers were “average” neither large nor small. I guess, as males were “supposed” to be. For some reason I was fed and fed lots and regularly all the unhealthy food and become larger than was healthy.
At my heaviest weight, I weighted more than 90kg.
I so hear you here too Lily. At my largest I weighed in at 89kg.
I lost my weight for medical reasons. Yes, I promised myself that I will lose weight if, and only if, a doctor tell me to do so for health reasons. So, I did.
I too went to the Doctor when I first decided to lose weight. I have been a yoyo dieter all my life and bulimic for a large portion of my life. Back in the early days Doctors would give you drugs to lose the weight. I took them and decided to learn what was good for my body and how to maintain a healthy weight and change my lifestyle. My driving force was my daughter. She was starting to look like me (a pumpkin) at 3yrs and I was determined to make sure her life was not like mine. She was not going to be overweight and go through the bullying and taunting.
Until then, I told myself “it is okay as long as you are healthy. However, once I am over that line, I had to lose weight.”
Oh, Lily I hear you here too. I was physically active. I played netball and could run. Yet I did not look the way other girls did. I looked like the ones who were shamed, avoided, bullied, and made fun of.
After losing weight due to medical reasons, I encountered a lady who looked at me and said “did you know that you can lose more weight?” I looked back at her and said “Thank you for suggesting but you don’t know where I come from. I had to lose weight for medical reasons but otherwise my perspective about weight is as long as I am healthy.” She didn’t know what to say.
Good for you Lily. To be able to stand in your personal power to share that is what others need to hear and be able to do. I share my story to many, and my work is to empower each of us to be who we are regardless of what others might think.
It’s all about accepting yourself the way you are. If you want to work towards a better you in whatever regards … do it. But you’re okay just the way you are today.
Tess Holliday
Okay, where are we going with this?
Majority of times, people who suggested to lose weight were those from Asian background. Obviously, being Asian, I am relatively larger than general Asian population.
However, I know my body size will not define who I am.
So well said Lily. We must stop defining our worth by our body size. All the comments and then excuses must stop. My background is Scot, German and French. All larger people apparently. And yet, until the day we see each of us as the incredible unique and valuable individuals that we are here to be, these beliefs will continue. We are all born unique. There is not another like us so how can we possibly look like others? What are we meant to look like? What is that anyway? How can we? We are not meant to look like everyone else. We are meant to stand out, stand up and BE in all our Perfect Flawsomeness.
About a year ago, I saw my father hospitalised due to the complication of diabetes. I realise having diabetes in my genes, I have to really look after my sugar intake and keep my body healthy. Again, it is not about my body size or appearance or to be “fit into” a culture. It is about health.
And that is what needs to be our priority. To be healthy and whatever that is for us, for the individual. So many times, over the years I been told to do this, eat this, drink this and it is the “magic pill”, and it isn’t. Yes, it might work for one but not for another. We all need to learn what works for us. And when we do, follow a regime that keeps us healthy regardless.
Real beauty isn’t about symmetry or weight or makeup: it’s about looking life right in the face and seeing all its magnificence reflected in your own.
Valerie Monroe
I see many people struggle to chase after “perfect shape” or “perfect weight”.
I realised I had to try very hard to lose weight but I have many friends who are trying to do opposite, gain weight. They were exteremely underweight.
So, what’s perfect weight?
Yes Lily, people are destroying their lives, not living a joyful and productive life because they spend all their time focused on trying to achieve that “perfect shape” or “perfect weight” And what is that? Yes, there is a healthy weight range. So many factors need to be taken into account to understand that.
I have found we carry extra weight physically when we are carrying extra weight on an emotional level. When we are able to let go of that the weight falls off.
There is so much going on behind the “weight” It is, genes, lifestyle, emotional and spiritual. I now have a holistic approach to my body, my life, and who it is I want to BE.
We all have so much value to share with the world and if we can understand our uniqueness and embrace our gifts and love who we are as a whole and share that with others, we can make huge changes to “judgement” and “shaming” and in my world, I so want to eliminate those actions, words and beliefs.
In Conversation 