Tag: #discovery

HJ, did you ever wondered your root?

Hi Lily, not as a child. I hear stories about my grandparents and not much else. As I got older I did. There was so much I missed out on as a child being born last. My parents and my brothers travelled regularly to my mother’s home and only once when I was about 2 years old. My grandparents died when I was young.

Probably because I (Lily) have spend most of my life overseas from my mother country, I had asked myself many times about “Who am I?” “Where am I from?” “Where’s my origin?”
Yes, I still ask some of these questions today.

I often wondered, as a child, if I was adopted. I was different to the others in my family. I was right handed and the rest left. I looked different. I apparently didn’t have the “smarts” or my brothers and didn’t want to do all the “girl” things I was supposed to do. I don’t know I’ve asked the question of “who am I?” Probably the question was “why don’t I fit in here?”

At a stage of my life, I felt shamed that I didn’t know much about my mother country in comparison to my peers who were also born in the same country. I was also shamed that I didn’t know much about countries that I have grown up and now reside.

Wow, that’s sad Lily. To be shamed like that. How did you deal with that?

Well, because I didn’t like the feeling so I thought I wanted to know more.

Being born in Australia, as were my parents and their parents, it was our ancestry that was of interest. When did my father’s family come from and where did they settle in Australia? Same with my mother. My father’s heritage is French and German and my mother Scottish through and through. My father’s family started a Family Tree and he was contacted to fill in some gaps in the research. That was when I became interested. My mother didn’t share much about the family history. I hear much about her father and his achievements as an all Australian Polo Champion. Picture from 1913.

Shaming I guess didn’t happen for me as it was a given that I didn’t know much as I was the youngest!!

Thinking back now, I think I had an urgeness within to find out where I truly belong. Yes, this was a profound discovery journey of belongingness.
I clearly didn’t belong to my so called “mother country” because I left there when I was very little. I didn’t really speak the language or know the culture.
I didn’t belong to countries that I have grown up. Well, I didn’t hold their citizenship nor know the culture.
I don’t feel I belong to the country I now reside, even though I hold their citizenship, I still don’t feel like I understand the culture.
So, who am I?

It is a bitter-sweet thing, knowing two cultures.

Once you leave your birthplace nothing is ever the same.

Sarah Turnbull

Wow Lily your words show so much angst in wanting to belong “somewhere”. To not speak the language or know the culture of the place you were born is not something I have known.
And to feel you didn’t “belong” anywhere, well, did you feel lost? How did that make you feel?

Yes, that’s the correct words HJ. I was lost. No matter where I go or tried to fit in, I was the odd one out. Probably I was also frustrated that I didn’t know how to express myself properly too. It is just a communication problem but it is a communication problem. There were days I lost my words to express myself. I archived every words and feeling within so I become very quiet in reality.

In my late 20s, I have started my journey of discovery. I had my first solo trip to my mother country and childhood countries. It was fascinating journey filled with surprises. I encounted its culture, history, and lifestyle. Interestingly, these places have become my favourite travel destinations.

I was much older when I decided to discover more about my history. I am so thrilled that you chose to visit your mother country and it was an exciting experience for you. To learn more about the culture and history and lifestyle and to then for it to become your favourite travel destination is so special. Has this experience change you? do you now feel like you “belong” somewhere?

I travelled back to my mother’s home about six years ago. It was to return many things to their “home” and for me to learn more about what life was like for her. She came from “money” and her life was as a socialite. Her family were friends with the likes of Sir Frank Packer and their family and friends. It was a fairytale life, until she decided to marry beneath her and the family disowned her. That’s a whole other story. I’ve always felt I “didn’t belong” in most places and learned to be OK with that and know I belonged to the Universe, a child of the Universe and hence my love of travel, exploration and experiences. I guess that’s where my gypsy soul came out.

Yes, there were memories that I vaguely remembered. It might be the picture on a wall, a landscape, or a landmark. Some parts were patchy but still I felt and told myself “Yes, nothing was a dream or my imagination. It forms a part of my life.”
I think I wanted to be assured that once I existed there!

Up until I visited a few years ago I didn’t have memories other than a few pics. One was me on a horse outside the stables which, on my visit was now the offices of the people who run the property. I was chuffed to have that pic. I did feel a connection to the place and yet totally disconnected to what it all represented. We’ve had many conversation about “existence” and we come from very different places. I know I exist, and now know I belong to the Universe, not a place.

Yes, HJ, I am hearing you!! Back to my question about Being and existence.

Yes, Lily as mentioned above we have had this conversation so many times and I do so love that we have different perspectives on many things and are able to discuss, debate and agree to allow each other to have our own beliefs even when we sometimes challenge our thinking.

A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.

Marcus Garvey

A friend once asked “Why did you started this trip?”
I still remember my answer to this friend.
“Because I wanted to know my root.”

I love the quote. And yet I live with limited roots. I feel stifled when I’m in one place too long. I don’t judge myself for feeling the way I do and embrace the excitement and adventure my choices and beliefs bring. What I love about your discovery is that you did what you needed to do. It’s so important when you know there is something “missing” and you go find out what it is.

Learning the history of a country opened my door, wanting to know more.
Some history actually explained why people in that country live in the way they lived. It is about following the footage of those places where it was most influenced.

I so hear you about learning the history of a country. I’m fascinated by different cultures and that’s always been my focus on my travels. Learn about the real people, get off the beaten track and discover more about their language, lifestyle, traditions, culture and the history that led to the country being what it is today. This truly came home to me on my first trip to Vietnam and Cambodia to learn of what was going on in 1986. I heard from a young man 34years old tell of seeing his parents killed, his friends killed or maimed from the land mines. That is so recent in my mind.

Interestingly, I started to ask questions about some cultural behaviours in my mother country and countries where I grow up.

Let me give you an example.
In my mother country, Taoism and Buddhism are embedded in everyday life. My maternal relatives are generally follows Taoism. I know that as a fact.
So, being me, I simply asked my uncle “Why do you believe/follow Taoism?”
His answer was “Because it is the tradition that was passed down from my grandparents and parents. It never hurt me to follow them so I just kept going.”
Being me, I asked another question “So, you never questioned?”
He simply answered “No.”

That’s so interesting isn’t it. We just follow along with what our parents do. I questioned my Presbyterian upbringing when I saw other cultures and religions and wondered why there were so many different religions and only one God. That led me to learn more about Eastern philosophies and I so loved all the learnings. Interestingly enough I started with Taoism and them studied Buddhism at Chenrezig on the Sunshine Coast. I so resonate with Buddhist philosophies. These days I question everything. Having spent three days in the presence of the Dalai Lama I love his advice of “investigate, investigate, investigate; don’t dabble in a bit of this and a bit of that, make a decision and live it”.

Learn character from trees, values from roots, and change from leaves.

Tasneem Hameed

I started a discovery journey wanting to know my root.
I am discovering new parts of this root everytime I search into it.
This has become an exciting exercise when I visit these countries because I know that I am about to open the door into a new discovery.
Until one day I feel that I can see all the details in my picture, my discovery journey will not end.

That is so beautifully said Lily. Yes, do we ever really know about our roots? It is a journey and I’m so thrilled that you are enjoying all that you are discovering. I so look forward to hearing more of this journey as the months go by. Hopefully overseas travel will be part of our near future so this will continue for you. Can I ask, if you are not able to visit these places, what are you going to do to discover more??? I must admit I don’t have the same desire. I’m happy with what I know and more excited for my path in this world and what I can discover.

Where’s your root? How do you find it? How do you know it is definitely your root?

(HJ) Love these questions Lily. I do hope our audience enjoys this discovery for themselves.